Friday, August 30, 2013

A Guide to 'The Web of Spider-Dan's' Ratings and Rankings

Dear You,

In all honesty, I just need to put this post up so I can create a link to it. That way when you're reading my ratings or rankings you can step into my mind, and figure out if you should listen to me or not. I'm looking out for your best interests here. I'm just a really great guy, what can I say?

Also, because I'm super lazy and will just tell everyone to go look at this article whenever they want me to defend my ratings/rankings.

Lots and lots of nudity. Just straight up nudity all over this page.

A Guide to 'The Web of Spider-Dan's' Ratings and Rankings


Alright, so, every month I am going to put up television power rankings. These rankings are based off of my pure enjoyment of a show, specifically in it's current season. However, after analyzing my rankings, I noticed that this is not necessarily true. Yes, I try and base it off the current season, but, my overall appreciation for the show definitely comes into play.

When you enjoy something, odds are, you're going to continue enjoying it. Although I TRY to base it off the current season, my overall love for the show prevails. Look at 'How I Met' on my last ratings. I put it at #25. This is one of my favorite shows, ever. Last season, it really wasn't that great. Did I rank it lower than some other shows that were better than it? No. Why? Because it's 'How I Met Your Mother'. The same goes for a few other shows, 'Alway's Sunny', 'The League', 'South Park', I realllllly analyzed my rankings, and this is what I found:

I find that when a show becomes a favorite of mine, the worst garbage they put out is still more enjoyable to me than anything else on TV. My problem is that I feel that way about MANY shows, which makes it near impossible to rank. That is why these rankings are: Subject to immediate and drastic changes depending on my state of mind on a monthly basis.

Also, It's hard to combine Comedy and Drama into one overall ranking. People be all like, "Yo why you put Homeland down so far my Du?" And I'm like, "Because there is 8 fucking comedies ahead of it that I just enjoy more." Just because I rank a show low, doesn't mean I don't like it. I like a lot of shit and that's my problem (See 2nd half of this post for more on that one).

Rankings will be determined by the following criteria:

Overall love for the series.
Quality of current season.

Also note, that as I try to stay current with everything, some shows may begin to drop off my rankings if I was unable to keep up with them. This is usually a good indication that I'm not really digging that particular show. So, as the months go on, you will see some shows disappear and reappear, depending on my status with it.


Look, I'm not a cynical person. I'm generally a happy fuck. I don't like being a cynic, and truthfully I don't want to be. I know in order to be a "good critic" you need to bash shit, hate on things and basically just mean-mug the fuck out of movies. But, I'm just not like that. I've considered doing a review site like this for many years. What stopped me is my love and passion for most things I see. Is this really a bad thing? I mean, seriously, why do we have to hate on shit so much? I at least try and enjoy it.

For example, I fucking HATE 'Twilight.' It's awful. I saw the 3rd one in the movies with my sister, and I cracked up throughout the whole movie, thoroughly enjoying the disaster before my eyes. By the end of the movie, I had rows of people laughing right along with me. It was funny shit, and I enjoyed making fun of it. I'd like to believe that I made every man there actually enjoy their time. Especially those Dad's that were dragged there by their prepubescent daughters who have yet to understand the reasons why they need this movie like crack.

My point is, let's all stop being so cynical, and let's all stop hating so much. It's bad for you, it's bad for the people around you, and it's bad for your skin (Girls just freaked the fuck out - It's not actually bad for your skin, girls.) I stopped myself from being a critic all these years, simply because out of the thousands of movies I've seen over the years, I just can't bring myself to hate on most things. I feel as if most reviewers go into the movie with such an angst-y feeling, and ask the movie to win them over. I don't do this. I start a movie and try to enjoy it right away, if it fails, it fails. Which brings me to my ratings system.

These are things I take into consideration when rating a movie:

What is the genre? 
What type of movie is it?
Is it thought provoking? (i.e. 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind')
Is it a turn off your brain film? (i.e.' Fast and the Furious' franchise)
Is it a "Good Bad Movie"? (i.e. 'Judge Dredd', 'Troll 2', 'Road House')
What are my emotions when watching?
How is the acting?
How is the writing?
How is the directing?
How is the cinematography, editing, etc.?
Is this an award winning movie?
Historical significance?
Importance in cinema?
Cultural impact?
Would I see this again?
Would I recommend this to a mass audience or a select group?
Would I buy it on Blu-Ray? 
Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera.
These are just a some things I think about, there are many, many other things that come into play.

I take all of this into consideration when giving my ranking.

So, if you see a movie like, 'Road House' get a 9.5 and a movie like 'The Godfather' get a 10, now you know why. They are not comparable to each other. 'Road House' is one of my favorite "good bad movies" of all time, and I rate it according to that classification. I am in no means saying that 'Road House' is better than 'The Godfather', I am simply saying that for the type of movie it is, this is the rating it gets.

Ratings and recommendations are based on the following 10-point scale:

0.0-5.0 - These are really awful movies that I would not advise you to see. I hated these movies and wish I never saw them.

5.0-6.9 - These still suck, but are not as bad as the lower ranked ones. I still would not recommend these.

7.0-7.9 - I enjoyed these movies. They weren't bad, but they weren't necessarily good. These are my "on the fence" recommendations.

8.0-8.9 - I lump a ton of movies in this category. As I said, I like a lot of shit and this is usually where it ends up. Anything in this scale I would definitely recommend seeing.

9.0-10 - Must-see movies. These are my favorite movies. Unlike other review sites, wherein rarely anything gets over a 9.0, my site will feature many scores in this range. I tend to love and be passionate about a lot of movies and if that occurs, this is where you will find them.

Most reviews I do on this site are going to be on the high side because it is my site and I'm going to want to write about stuff I enjoy and want you to enjoy. I only have a limited amount of time every week to do these posts, so they will usually be about stuff I enjoy. I'm sure I will post negative reviews and stuff on here from time to time, because I do hate on some things too. But, for the most part, this is going to be a happy site with generally positive things to say, because I am, in fact, a generally positive person.

This is a nontraditional review site and the more you understand my ratings and rankings, the easier it will be for you to know when you should or should not listen to my bullshit. Join me in my fight for optimism. The world needs it.

My Favorite Optimist

Thursday, August 29, 2013

'Breaking Bad' "Confessions" Review

As are my rules with spoilers, if you have not seen this episode of 'Breaking Bad' entitled, "Confessions", DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.












"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87104. This is my confession."

Holy. Shit. This is why we watch television, ladies and gentlemen. It is because of episodes like this. This final season of 'Breaking Bad' has been incredible so far. Three episodes in, and I feel like an entire season has gone by already. With 5 (sigh) episodes left, I can't even begin to imagine what lies ahead. 

Where to begin?

Jesse, BITCH! 

Jesse is the heart and soul of this show. I truly believe that if it were not for the character of Jesse Pinkman, none of us, would be as invested in this show as we are. He brings a humanity to the character that is almost indescribable. Aaron Paul's acting is on another level when he becomes Jesse Pinkman. I was watching him on 'Talking Bad' last week and he said that he basically puts himself into Jesse's mind, and try's to act and think like that character would. When getting into depth-y scenes, instead of thinking of things from his own past to conjure emotion, he thinks based on Jesse's character history. That is the straight up definition of method acting. When you can truly become your character, you've achieved the highest level of acting possible. This is the stuff Daniel Day Lewis wins Oscar's on. So, before I get into it, I would like to say, - Thank you, Aaron Paul for making me want to vomit from the amount of emotions I felt from that entire episode.

This is why Jesse is the heart of this show, not just because we can feel his emotions, but because you need him to come out of this on top. It would be so upsetting if there is not a happy ending for Jesse. He deserves it, and the show owes it to him, and the audience. Just look at what this character has been through over the course of the series. Drugs, arrests, rehab, murder, near-death experiences; not to mention having his first love die next to him in bed, and his girlfriend's son almost die from fucking poison. He's taken a beating, partially self-inflicted, but mainly due to Walt.

Jesse finally found out about the ricin and Brock this week, and he went off the deep end; rightfully so. Let's back up and find out how he got there.

From the start of the episode Jesse was still in zombie-mode when Hank was questioning him about Walt. He is in a straight up catatonic state. That is, until Hank reveals that he knows about Walt. Jesse won't give him up though. Jesse hates Hank. We remember their history together, right? Honestly, I have no idea what Jesse is thinking. Clearly, he is scared that Hank knows. With Jesse throwing millions of dollars around Albuquerque and his past with Walt, he must know, that they know he is a part of Team Heisenberg. This doesn't stop him from being Jesse, and basically saying "Fuck You" to Hank.

Last episode, Jesse decides to give away all of his money to Mike Ehrmantraut's granddaughter, Kaylee (RIP Mike - I miss you) and the rest to the parents of Drew Sharp, the kid on the bike that was murdered by Todd (Fuck you Todd). When Walt and Saul do not allow him to, is what causes him to toss his money all over the city. Jesse is troubled, and he wants a way out of this life. He wants any memory of it to be removed completely. Which brings us to the desert.

When Jesse meets Walt in the desert, did anybody else get the feeling he was about to get whacked, 'Sopranos' style? I think Jesse sure did. A fact he acknowledges.  It is one of the most dramatic scenes 'Breaking Bad' has ever done. - I am actually getting goosebumps writing about it. - Jesse explains that Hank and the DEA know about Walt, and Walt offers him a way out for a fresh life (but this is clearly just so he can remove Jesse from the picture, in order to stay out of handcuffs) Walt is typical manipulative Walt here, but Jesse does not buy into it. And I'm glad that the writers also acknowledged that Jesse didn't believe him about Mike's murder in the first episode, something I have been curious about. Jesse powerfully says to Walt that he is sick of the lying and manipulation and that he knows he had Mike killed (Do you think he suspects that Walt was the one who actually pulled the trigger?) and that if Walt wants him out of the picture, to save his own ass, then he should just ask him for a favor instead of manipulating him. In a heart-wrenching follow-up image, Walt cradles Jesse's head, as he cries hysterically, knowing full well he has to leave forever and start a new life, or he is about to be killed.

Notice that Jesse has his hand pinned at his sides this whole time?

Then shit hits the fan.

As Jesse is awaiting for the bus to arrive to take him to Alaska, (Alaska, so cool that that's where he wants to go. Also, it shows how far away and non-existent he wants to be. Will he get his "happy" ending in Alaska? Or will he get a fresh start in Albuquerque?) he reaches into his pocket to get some weed to burn; when he realizes it's gone. He knows Saul's big black security guard, (his name is Huell, you racists) must have taken it on his way out of the office. This triggers the memory of the cigarette filled with the vile of ricin, that also mysteriously disappeared after visiting Saul's office. In what is yet another one of the most dramatic scenes in this shows history (there is a lot, and I expect there to be many more going into the final 5 episodes) Jesse loses his shit on Saul. Who thought he was going to kill Saul? Everyone? Yea, I thought so too, even though I've been hearing rumors that AMC might be making a dark comedy spin off featuring Bob Odenkirk's sleazeball attorney, Saul Goodman. So, Jesse beats the shit out of Saul, holding that gun, with that look in his eyes. This acting was insane, his eyes were all crazy and his chin was trembling the whole while. It was intense and beautiful. Emmy winning shit right there. So anyway, he screams that he knows Walt took the ricin and he knows Walt poisoned Brock. (Walt did try to frame Gus for Brock's poisoning with the ricin he stole from Jesse, but Walt actually poisoned Brock with the Lily of the Valley, either way Jesse still knows he did it) This was just a wild end. The episode ends as Jesse, red canister in hand, enters the White residence (in a very cool camera shot) covering it in gasoline. Unreal.

Aside: So I write down all of my thoughts while I'm watching an episode, so I can analyze them for these reviews. Like, I don't think about what I'm writing, I just watch the episode and type while watching; not caring what comes out. That said, just to show you guys how crazy I am, I'm going to show you my unedited notes while that scene was happening. I went back to read over them and I busted out laughing:

"jesse burn down his house, the camera is cool , omg he's going fucking crazy rightfully so fuck walt. YES I CAME.

I'm fucked up right? Somehow THOSE thoughts turn into THESE words. Issues, let me tell you.

Another reason Jesse is the heart of this show is because he is now the complete foil to Walt. Walt is evil now, guys. No matter how much he pretends to be a statue of a 1950's department store owner, this is one ruthless fuck. On a side note, he is so convincing when he's at A-1 car wash, it's feels almost creepy, because of what we know about him. The rest of the time, I seriously tremble when he is talking. The man is scary. He just emotes evil with his presence. Aaron Paul, you are lucky to have had a mentor such as Bryan Cranston. Both, Cranston and Paul need Emmy's this year.

Oh, and lets's briefly discuss why Bryan Cranston will make a phenomenal Lex Luthor. It has not been "officially" announced yet (I will facebook/tweet that news to you as soon as it becomes official) that Bryan Cranston will be playing Lex Luthor in the sequel to 'Man of Steel', 'Batman Vs. Superman'. Early reports say the contract will be for close to 10 film appearances as the character. If this is true, then WOW DC, what you got planned, Yo? This is awesome news. Cranston is going to kill this role, obviously. Any fan of 'Breaking Bad' will know that this is the scariest dude on the planet. Just thinking about his performance gives me chills. 'Batman Vs. Superman' is certainly developing into my most anticipated movie (and we have a new 'Star Wars' to look forward to guys...)

This is a completely FAKE fan-made trailer. The Luthor shaved head shot is money.

Speaking of Walt's evilness. Let's talk about the video and Walt's confession.

First of all, how fucked up was it when Walt told Walter Jr. about his cancer just so he could stop him from going to Marie's? Father of the year, right there. Any feelings of sympathy I had for him last week - gone - by the end of this episode. The aforementioned part about Walter Jr. and then the video. Wow. What a manipulative monster. If I were anyone else, I would believe every word of that video. He sold it. He's masterful. His mind just operates differently than ours. It's incredible to watch this man plan, devise and plot his every move 10 steps ahead in his ongoing chess match with the world. He's not a force to be reckoned with. Don't fuck with Heisenberg. End of story.

Before I close this up, Marie and Hank's reaction to the video was priceless. It said exactly what was needed to be said, by saying nothing. And fuck Vince Gilligan for making me like Skyler at the end of this all. I hated her for years and now he's making her somewhat cool. Ugh. I hate it. I really don't want to like her. But, now she's being "Skysenberg". She's his partner in crime and she's going full force into it. She's being pretty cool as Walter's #2. I just don't want to like her.

Awkward Dinner: Part 2

This one has been circulating around social media. Hilarious.

To close this out until we meet again next week I leave you with this final thought:

Jesse is a manifestation of everything we want to believe still exists in Walt. Even though I think we've lost any belief in Walt this week, with that twisted video, we still have Jesse. This is no longer about rooting for a dying man trying to make money for his family before he passes. This is the story of that same man, turned monster by power and greed, and the young kid that, unsuspectingly, got in way over his head, desperately seeking a way out.

There's only 5 episodes left guys. Five. Brace yourselves.

My Rating:   10


Monday, August 26, 2013

Hollywood's Greatest Career Resurrection's

Hot off the news of Ben Affleck being cast as Batman, and my Defense, I want to take a look at a few other notable come-backs.

Here are my,  

"Top 5 Greatest Hollywood Career Resurrection's"

WHAT?!? Is this too much to ask for?! BSB and NSYNC did it.... (RIP QT)

Honorable Mention: Neil Patrick Harris

I want to mention Neil Patrick Harris because he did have a major career resurgence. However, being a child star, I don't believe that this constitutes as a resurrection. Child stars are unique. Either they fade away after their childhood stardom (Fred Savage, 'The Wonder Years') or they continue to grow as actors (Natalie Portman, 'Leon: The Professional'). In some cases, such as NPH, they fizzle out and come back years later. Though this "should" be considered a "resurrection", I want to focus on the stars that made a name for themselves as adults, crashed and then bounced back. NPH gained notability in his role as Doogie Howser in ABC's 'Doogie Howser M.D' in which, Harris, plays a genius child doctor. This show ran for 4 seasons and was a major success. After the show, NPH was non-existent. He returned to stardom with a hilarious cameo appearance in beloved stoner comedy, 'Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle', a role that would turn his career around. That next year, he appeared in the pilot episode for a show you may have heard of, 'How I Met Your Mother'. On it's 9th and final season, NPH has created one of the greatest sitcom character's in TV history with Barney Stinson. The lovable player, with a passion for suits, a sound '"Bro-Code", and THE "Playbook" on picking up women. NPH also is the most coveted awards show host, hosting the Emmy's twice (including this years) and the Tony's 4 times, all with great musical numbers. Speaking of musicals, NPH is also the title character in Joss Whedon's, 'Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog', a MUST-SEE for anybody. Now, he's starring in critically-panned but somewhat commercially successful 'Smurfs' franchise. With 'How I Met' coming to an end, look for NPH to make his way into a full-blown film career. His career resurrection is nothing short of "Legen….wait for it…..dary!"

#5 - Charlie Sheen

Let's talk about "The Bitchin' Rockstar from Mars" for a minute. Can you really call this a "career resurrection"? Sheen started his career to mass success in a number of great films including: 'Red Dawn', 'Platoon', 'Wall Street', 'Young Guns', 'Major League' and 'Hot Shots'. Throughout the 90's, he had troubles with alcohol, cocaine, porn stars and hookers, ohhhhhh the hookers. His career took a slight turn for the better taking over for Michael J. Fox in hit show, 'Spin City'. He married Denise Richards in 2002 but he continued to fly further off the handle; they divorced in 2006. The second of 3 divorces for Sheen, who has 5 children. In 2003, in a play on his own life, he went on to star in 'Two and a Half Men' as Charlie Harper, a jingle-writing celebrity with an addiction to alcohol, and, well, hookers. A character almost the same as himself. This became the #1 sitcom on television for years, and at the time of his public departure Sheen was raking in the money. "At the peak of his Two and a Half Men career, Charlie Sheen was making $1.25 million per episode. That amount grows to $2 million when you include back end syndication points. A season is typically 24 episodes, so Sheen's salary was roughly $48 million per year from the show." (Source) I'd say that's a pretty nice bounce-back. Speaking of his public melt-down, was this something that hurt or helped his career? Although the world knows he's batshit crazy; it was the most talked about melt-down of all time. Spawning the phrase "Winning!" among many others. You either loved him or hated him after this. Clearly, in the case of Sheen, this was not so much a "resurrection" as it was an ongoing shit storm of a life on a roller coaster going 1000mph with no tracks or operator. His career has settled down a bit since then but he does have his own show with FX's, 'Anger Management' which has a 90(?) episode order. I don't expect this guy's tiger blood to stop him from churning out a few more hits or maybe another meltdown (hopefully). You can see him next in the upcoming sequel to 'Machete',  'Machete Kills', in which Sheen plays The President of the United States, billed as Carlos Estevez, of course.

#4 - Mickey Rourke

Mickey Rourke. The 80's treated him well. Gaining prominence in films like: 'Diner', 'Rumble Fish', and 'The Pope of Greenwich Village'. He then went on to become a sex icon from the film '9 1/2 Weeks', and received critical acclaim for 'Angel Heart'. Though Rourke continued acting in several movies throughout the 90's his full concentration was on his professional boxing career. He went on to fight for 6 wins, no losses and 2 draws. Not too bad, Mick. Rourke was actually offered the role of a boxer, in 'Pulp Fiction' but turned it down. A role which would later become Bruce Willis's. Who knows? Maybe two careers could have been revitalized from 'Pulp Fiction', as you are about to see. The work kept coming in for this one-time A-lister, but the roles were minor and his value was low, as were the films. In 2005, Mickey was cast as Marv in Robert Rodriguez's adaptation of Frank Miller's, 'Sin City'. This role would ignite his rise back to stardom. In 2008 he starred in 'The Wrestler', an excellent movie in which Rourke played a character very much like his own. A has-been wrestler, with a life leading nowhere and his one last big chance at the spotlight. He nailed the realism of the role and received a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Actor (he should have won). Since then he has starred as Whiplash, the villain in 'Iron Man 2' and in Sly Stallone's action-star team up film 'The Expendables'. Things have slowed down quite a bit again, but expect a resurgence when 'Sin City: A Dame to Kill For' comes out in 2014.

#3 - John Travolta

In the 1970's John Travolta was Hollywood's "It" man. Getting his start in the hit television show, 'Welcome Back Kotter' as dim-witted Vinny Barbarino. His first taste with fame came with his iconic role of Tony Manero in 'Saturday Night Fever' where he taught everybody how to disco. He then went on to be immortalized in the role of Danny Zuko in the musical 'Grease', "Ah-huh, huh, huh." After his hit 'Urban Cowboy' in 1980, the rest of the decade hit him hard. His career went on a bit of a hiatus with his only notable films being the 'Look Who's Talking' franchise. It wasn't until Quentin Tarantino would pull him out from under his rock with 1994's 'Pulp Fiction' as Vincent Vega, (an Academy Award nominated performance) that Travolta would, again, rise to the top. He would then go on to star in films such as 'Face/Off', 'Get Shorty', 'Michael', 'Primary Colors' and many more throughout the 90's. In 2000 Travolta's career took a nose-dive with the horrendous 'Battlefield Earth' based on Scientology creator L Ron Hubbard's book of the same name. Travolta, himself, became a Scientologist, and although, he has filmed a number of notable films since, let's just say that his career hasn't been the same. Can he pull off another resurrection, or have we seen all we have from Mr. Travolta? Chang-chang-changity-chang-sha-bop.

#2 - Ben Affleck

Everything you need to know about Ben's resurrection, you can find in my, "Defense of Ben". From early success and accolades to a stretch of career-ending lows. This guy has risen, from the bottom, to become one of Hollywood's most acclaimed director's with his latest 'Argo' winning the Oscar for Best Picture. In 2015 he will dawn the Cape and Cowl as the new Batman. Will you love him or hate him? He's signed on for multiple films, so we better stay optimistic, he's going to be around for a while. Only time will tell if he'll be "Da Bomb" as Batman.

#1 - Robert Downey Jr.

There is no truer Hollywood career resurrection story than Robert Downey Jr.'s. He started his career in the cast of 'Saturday Night Live' for one season in 1985 (yes, he was in SNL) and then went on to star in over a dozen films throughout the 80's and 90's including: 'Weird Science', 'Back to School', 'Natural Born Killers' and an Academy Award nominated performance in the title role in 'Chaplin'. During the mid-90's, Downey Jr., suffered from heavy drug-use with cocaine and heroin, being arrested multiple times. A spark of life came to his career when he was cast in hit show 'Ally Mcbeal', in which he was critically praised, but the off-screen problems continued. Downey Jr. finally cleaned himself up after checking into rehab for an extended period of time in the early 2000's. I, personally, like to think that his career resurrection began with 2005's 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang' one of my all-time favorite movies. This is some of the best work he has ever done, classic Downey Jr. delivery. It is a precursor to what was to come in 2008's, 'Iron Man'. With Marvel's new plans to build an interconnected cinematic universe, Jon Favreau, director of 'Iron Man', took the chance on the star that came with a lot of baggage (sound familiar Affleck haters?). He would then go on to define the role and character, to the present. After 'Iron Man' he went on to star in 'Tropic Thunder' and the 'Sherlock Holmes' franchise, as well as, two sequels to 'Iron Man' and of course 'The Avengers'. Downey Jr. has established himself as one of the most premier actors of our time, and he is more than compensated for his talent. He is currently one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood. With 2015's 'Avengers 2: Age of Ultron' Downey will be making close to $100 Million Dollars.

As you can see, many actors struggle with career ending circumstances. It's the challenge of rising up from it, that really show their character (Sans Sheen, who the fuck knows what goes through that dudes head). In these examples, you can see glimpses of a return to prominence. In the case of Downey Jr., though, he rose so far up he became the actor of our generation. If Affleck can "pull an Iron Man" like Downey, as Batman, expect the world to declare Ben the new king of Hollywood.

Agree/Disagree? Have another celebrity you think should have made the cut? Sound off in the comments/boards. Remember, be tasteful.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

In Defense of Ben: An Extensive Look at the Life and Work of Ben Affleck

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This is a no bullshit post. My first no bullshit post. I am all business.

Though, I promise this will be informative AND entertaining, so long as you read and watch all the videos. This is a long one. Like reallllllly long. It's an extensive look into the life and portfolio of Ben Affleck. There is a lot of information, videos, quotes and thoughts in here. If you choose to watch all the videos, which you should, because they are, for the most part, crucial supporting evidence for my Defense, (Video's marked as 'Exhibits' support my argument. All other videos are for entertainment purposes - in an attempt to keep your interest) you're looking at being here for well over an hour. Seriously. But that's the purpose of this blog right? A place on the web where you can pass the time, when you're bored at work or in general, right? So curb your ADD and read it all (Or keep coming back to read this in pieces) if you really want to know why I believe in this decision. I'm letting you all in on my pop-culture obsessed mind. It's what backs up my instinct on this decision; based on what I've seen, and what I know from his work and life. By the end of this, whether you agree with me or not, all I hope to achieve is for you to, at least, try to be optimistic.

Let me begin by saying that my original title on Facebook was, "Why Ben Affleck Will Make a Great Batman". I was a little caught up in all the excitement. "Great", may have been an overstatement. I am not saying he won't be great, but, will he go and wipe the floors with Keaton and Bale? This is still left to be determined, as you can't fully judge something until you've seen it. Do I think he's right for the job? I never really pictured it before, so, maybe, if the powers at be think so. Could others have played the role better? Probably, but can't you really say that about any actor, in any role, ever?

I guess my question comes down to this:

Do I believe in him?


What a magnificent beard.

That being said, I present for your consideration,

In Defense of Ben: An Extensive Look at the Life and Work of Ben Affleck

This is not an, "I'm better than you post," for having the "dissenting" opinion. Most of the time, it's quite the opposite, as I usually always agree with mainstream attitudes. I am not a cynic, I am not a cynical person, and I most definitely am not a cynical critic, as you will learn. I am an optimist by nature, and by definition. This is a Defense. A Defense for Ben. A Defense for Batman. A Defense for the DC Cinematic Universe,  Zack Snyder, Warner Brothers and everyone involved in the making of this decision. This is a Complaint. This is a Complaint against negativity and pessimism. This is a Complaint against trolling. This is a Complaint against what's wrong with our society today.

For those of you that are unaware of the news revealed late thursday night, August, 22, 2013, Ben Affleck has been cast as Batman in the upcoming sequel to, 'Man of Steel', presumably titled, 'Batman Vs. Superman', coming Summer 2015. As one who regularly checks casting news as if it were porn, I heard no rumblings of this. The rumors were that they were casting an older male lead for the role. Ben Affleck is 41. I guess that's the age they were going for, but Ben looks much younger than that. Not really the "older Batman" type that I expected when that was announced. I imagined it'd be someone like Jon Hamm (Don Draper in 'Mad Men') or Michael Fassbender (Magneto in 'X-Men: First Class') the two frontrunners for the role, on the internet. So, clearly, I was shocked with the news about Affleck. However, I immediately reacted positively, almost instinctively. Ben Affleck is one of my favorite working men in Hollywood. He's more than the real deal. The more I thought about this, the more I believed in it. And now, after writing this, I'm more excited than ever.

Nerds of the Internet,
You were all just praising him 6 months ago about 'Argo' and how he deserved the Oscar nomination, and win for Best Director. Now, all of a sudden, he touches fanboy territory again (I'm refferring to 'Daredevil' - I'll get to it) and you're crucifying the guy? Seriously, I just want to hear some kind of argument from one of you board trolls that is not about 'Daredevil', J-Lo or Boston. Please. Anybody? It's all I've seen so far. He's a different person since the low points of his career. It's been a long time since the day's of, 'Daredevil',  "Bennifer" and 'Gigli' - the first things to come to mind when hearing this news - I get that. It's time to move past it, overlook it and see what this guy is doing NOW. He is human, and is allowed to have failures, just like the rest of us. He has learned and matured from his mistakes, and he's grown from it. He is now one of the hardest working, most experienced and intellectual men in Hollywood.
When I first wrote this, it was very essay-like; and that's just not fun, or entertaining at all. Like who wants to read an essay? So, this Defense will be presented in the form of Ben Affleck's filmography. With tangents and clips to support my argument.

So, let's begin this by going through his entire filmography, film-by-film (theatrical release only) and let's just see if we can't prove that he's going to make a good Batman. He's a talented actor, writer, director and producer; and what follows is the proof. I give you a career full of  highlights, a stretch of character defining lows, (he definitely has some major garbage - what actor hasn't?), and as you will see the highs definitely outnumber the lows. I'll let his work and life speak for itself.

(Note, I have seen most of these movies. If I haven't seen them, I will not use them in my Defense, as I can not speak on behalf of it.)


Let's first talk about his early career, prior to his downfall. A time in which he received great successes,  memorable roles and scenes and was a part of some of my favorite movies of all time.

1992 - 'School Ties' - A cast of young up-and-comers featuring: Brendan Fraser, Matt Damon and Chris O'Donnell. Not a bad group to start your career with. However, Foster has become non-existent and Chris O'Donnell is still recovering from his mega-failure as Robin in 'Batman & Robin'. Sorry, Chris, but I don't think you'll be wearing that very "nipple-y" costume next to Ben, this time. More on Damon later.

1992 - 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Adding this in because he has an Uncredited role as a basketball player. I just watched this like 6 months ago, before I started the 'Buffy' TV series. I saw him in this following scene and was like, "Oh Hey Ben Affleck, um, what are you doing here?

I know this is in Spanish, but, whatever. All he says is, "Here. Take it."

1992 - 'Dazed and Confused' - Show me a person who doesn't like this movie, and I'll show you a liar. Without getting into the greatness of this movie; Affleck is memorable in this role. O'Bannion is the worlds biggest dick. You love to hate him. And Affleck really nails it by making you actually hate him in it, and you still do 20 years later; that's just good acting. I mean, come on, everyone fucking hates O'Bannion.

Exhibit A:

Speaking of Affleck being a major asshole, let's talk about his role in, 'Mallrats' and the entire filmography of the,

VIEWASKIEWNIVERSE: We Know Kevin Smith is On Board

The Viewaskiewniverse is Kevin Smith's production company. In which it has employed Affleck for every film except 'Clerks' and 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno'. He's one of Kevin Smith's closest and best friends. I don't have to tell you that Kevin Smith is one of the Kings of nerdom, that's common knowledge. He is the host of AMC's 'Comic Book Men', is an expert in all things "nerdy", and is widely considered one of the highest ranking authorities on everything comic book related. Kevin Smith also has a personal connection with the Batman character, as he has written a line of Batman comics, among others for DC. I think he's going to be a tremendous asset to Ben as he prepares for this role. If Kevin Smith loves him, why shouldn't we? Look at what he's done with Affleck, in regards to his own movies. Affleck kills it in every one (Sans the God awful trainwreck that was, 'Jersey Girl' - which I'll get to later). He's hilarious in these movies, which really shows his versatility when it comes to acting.

Exhibit B:
Watch this video with Kevin Smith talking about why Ben Affleck is so awesome, prior to the release of 2006's  'Clerks 2', in which Affleck appears briefly in a cameo.

Here are some Kevin Smith/ Affleck highlights:

1995 - 'Mallrats' - A personal favorite of mine, in which, Affleck plays another major asshole, Shannon Hamilton. Again, nailing this role of making you hate him yet again.

Exhibit C
I really hope you are all reading this. This video took me FUCKING FOREVER to find... (NOTE: This scene I am trying to share is NOT the one when you click "play". Click the previous segment. For some reason the coding won't grab that one. So again, click on the previous scene - 42/46)

1997 - 'Chasing Amy' - Affleck plays Holden Mcneill, a comic book writer that does the "Bluntman & Chronic" comics.  Establishing some nerd cred.

Here's a look at, "Bluntman & Chronic", from 2001's 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' A movie in which Ben returns as Holden Mcneill and as himself.

1999 - 'Dogma' - Another personal favorite in which Ben plays Bartleby, a fallen angel. Ill let the scenes speak for itself.

Exhibit D:

Exhibit E: 

He stars along side buddy Matt Damon on this one, so, let's just talk about those two for a second.


1997 - 'Good Will Hunting'- He gets made fun of for this movie (See Video Below), but I think he was very much responsible for the incredible writing in what is another of my all time favorites. Ben and Matt won an Oscar for this when he was 25! Jesus Christ...that's like INSANELY RARE guys. Also, they did 'Project Green Light,' a reality competition show to help aspiring filmmakers, just as they were. So, yea, let's just all hate this fucking asshole, what a real scumbag, right?

Time for a rant.

That's really what everyone is all about right? Hate. Fucking hate. Why? I just don't get it. Why must everyone hate on this decision and on any decision Hollywood has ever made? You ruin it for yourself. Just support it. If you don't like it, that's fine, but don't just hate on it to hate. Look, You're all going to see the movie anyway, its not like you're not going to go because Ben Affleck is Batman. So, why not try to enjoy it? If you go into a movie with the mindset that you're going to hate it, or in this case that you're going to hate Ben, guess what? You're going to hate it. Why don't we  try some optimism and just, fucking, support it.

And honestly, I'm not really talking to a mass audience right here, but specifically to trolls. Why do all you Internet nerds out there troll so hard on every major announcement. I HATE IT. Like, why do you have to be SO NEGATIVE about things? Appreciate what we're given. We're given a select few superhero/comic book movies a year. Let's just enjoy them and enjoy the world that we live in, wherein, we can HAVE the chance to see all our favorite characters fleshed out on screen, in an era where movie making is fucking ridiculous in terms of production quality. That is my rant on negativity and pessimism and what is really wrong with society. So, I just really hope that, maybe, by reading this, I can pull some of you over to the light side.

Above referenced scene in 'Family Guy' where he is made fun of for 'Good Will Hunting'

And the best Affleck moments of Good Will Hunting. One of the most memorable movie scenes of all time (Exhibit F) And "Yah Suspect!" (Exhibit G)

Exhibit F:

Exhibit G:

1998 -  'Shakespeare in Love' - Yet another accolade. Starred in an Oscar winning movie and also a SAG award for best ensemble cast.

Exhibit H:

1998 - 'Phantoms' - This is all I have to say about Phantoms.

Exhibit I

Oh and this too....
Exhibit J


1998 -  'Armageddon'  Ok, look, Armageddon is Armageddon. It's Michael Bay. It's a Summer blockbuster; a popcorn film, if you will.  Ben's in his mid twenties here. He's gaining success in Hollywood, making a name for himself, of course he's gonna' take that role! Money Talks. Unfortunately, this is where we start our decline.

 Can you really blame the guy for this? #YoungAndDumb

1999 - 'Forces of Nature' With Sandra Bullock, admittedly, I saw this. Actually kind of funny...

1999 - '200 Cigarette's' - N/A

2000 - 'Bounce'  - N/A

2000 - 'Reindeer Games' - N/A but...

2000 - 'Boiler Room' - Fucking awesome movie. ANOTHER favorite of mine. Affleck delivers, what anyone in business must know is, one of the greatest speeches ever. (This movie is one of the few successes during his downfall.)

Exhibit K:

2002 - 'Changing Lanes' - N/A

2002 - 'Sum of All Fears' - Though I've never seen this one, he's fucking Jack Ryan. Alec Baldwin and Harrison Ford both played this character in 'Hunt for Red October', 'Patriot Games', and 'Clear and Present Danger'. Chris Pine, will also be taking over this character in the upcoming, self titled, 'Jack Ryan' just in case anyone wanted to know.

2002 - 'The Third Wheel' - N/A


This is where it all hits rock bottom guys. Things get really bad for Ben here. Lots of failures, lots of personal problems. This is why you all hate him. It is because of the next 4 years.

See. I can joke about it too.

Just so you know I'm not just sucking his dick, let me get into the low point of his career. Which is BAD. You all have a valid point to hate on him for these next few years, but as I will prove, you will see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Everything that you think of when you think Ben Affleck comes back to these years. This is why most people think he sucks. If we can collectively get over this and look past these next 4 years, you can join me in believing.

Everything he put out during this time sucked. But listen, everyone has bad movies and everyone goes through a learning curve in their early leading roles, struggles with being a celebrity, or has some kind of backwards progression. It's just part of the actors road. The box office bombs, the terrible roles, all of his bad life decisions with J-Lo are all indications of this.

When he started dating J-Lo in 2002, at the beginning of "Bennifer" this is when shit hit the fan for his career. Proof that the WRONG woman can really ruin your fucking life  - because that's exactly what happened.This is what makes him a laughing stock. But let's just have some fun with the Ben Affleck sucks years, while we're here.

2003 'Gigli' This is widely accepted as one of the worst movies ever made. And not in the "good bad movie" way. I don't even want to subject you to any of these scenes.

2003  'Daredevil' Here we go. All I've heard is 'Daredevil' and Boston arguments. 'Daredevil' sucked. It was a bad movie and Affleck bombed. This was just a poorly made movie, though. Anybody would have been bad in it, because it was just a terrible piece of dog shit.  However, it still made $179 Million, and although Affleck is bad in it, at least he's not Nick Cage in 'Ghostrider' bad.

On a side note, if this character was done right in a film version, it would be killer. Daredevil is one of the most interesting, awesome and underrated characters in the Marvel Universe. Beyond happy that the rights to the character reverted back to Marvel. But you guys will probably hate it right? Because the first one was terrible, Right? Such solid logic.

The other argument I keep hearing about Ben is his Boston accent. It seems to be the defense of the world. If I may? Um, Christian Bale is fucking British, and, uh, Henry Cavill is fucking British. Why can't he just change his voice like he does for other movies? Give me something real as to why he can't play this role.

And while I'm on the topic of Boston accent's let's watch this....

Exhibit L:

I'd also like to note that Ben Affleck just became a member of the 'Saturday Night Live' Five Timer's Club. That is a limited club, and a huge deal guys. Again just proof of this guys tremendous resume. (Exhibit L)

And here's a clip from 'Daredevil' that showcases Affleck's ability for a good Batman voice. Check it out. It's actually good. (Exhibit M)


2003 - 'Paycheck' - N/A
2004- 'Surviving Christmas' - N/A
2004- 'Jersey Girl' This is a GOD AWFUL TRAINWRECK. (See, I got into it)

During this time Affleck received the Golden Razzie in 2003 for Worst Actor, for his work in 'Daredevil', 'Gigili' and 'Paycheck'. These are given every year to the worst of the worst in film. Although, well deserved, let me tell you some other notable actors that have also received razzies: Laurence Olivier, Kevin Costner, Bert Reynolds and Bruce Willis...


I just want to note how much Trey and Matt make fun of Ben Affleck and why this also might be affecting your attitude in regards to this.

2001 - 'Pearl Harbor'  I'll let this one speak for itself…

In terms of 'South Park' episodes:

First they did the episode where Ben's parents had asses on their faces.

Then they did this all-time classic:

These guys are paid to spoof everything. Ben Affleck was just an easy, easy target at the time.

But they make up for a lot of the Ben Affleck hate over the years in the most 'South Park' of ways in last years 'Going Native' episode. Here's a clip, but go here (Exhibit N)for the full episode. Go to 18:40-End and you'll see what I mean about making up for the Affleck hate. "Ben Affleck has a lot going for him!, Not everything, but a lot."- Butters. If you can win over Trey and Matt, you can win over anyone.


These are the years we need to focus on guys, the rise to where he is now.

In 2004 "Bennifer" ends and in 2005 he marries Jennifer Garner. He is deeply in love with her and they have 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. I truly believe she is the reason behind his incredible rise from the dumps to where he is now, as he started to pick up the pieces from his broken life, in regards to all the failures he has had. He's grown up and matured. He realizes how fortunate he is after failing so miserably. He has been given the opportunity to rise from that. And he is proving to make only the smartest career moves since.

2007 - 'Hollywoodland' - This is a pretty great movie, because of Ben Affleck. He's incredible as….SUPERMAN. Not the "real" version, but as George Reeves, the first person to play Superman on Television, who mysteriously died. Was it a murder or a suicide? One of America's greatest unsolved cases. It's a very realistic performance.

Exhibit O:
"The irony is that Affleck's battering at the hands of fame has prepped him beautifully to play Reeves. He knows this character from the inside: the surface charm, the hidden vulnerability, the ache of watching a career become a joke and being helpless to stop it.'"
Travers, Peter (September 7, 2006). "Hollywoodland: Review". Rolling Stone. Retrieved 2011-03-10.

In this upcoming take on Batman, it's going to be real. The DC Cinematic Universe, as it is, is a 'real world' setting. What is happening in these movies has to be something we can imagine happening in our own lives. The previous Bale films are a testament to that. Granted, they are not part of the same shared universe anymore, 'Man of Steel' followed in its footsteps. Mainly due to the oversight of Christopher Nolan to guide this transition in to the new DC Cinematic Universe, to compete with what Marvel's got going on (More on that later)

This next version of Batman is going to be realistic, but a different version of realistic than Christian Bale was. He will be more of a Michael Keaton type real. Someone that easily could live in our world. I don't expect his physique to be the main attribute like it was with Bale. Bale was all about body, strength and fighting ability. This Affleck version will step away from that type of Batman and bring him back to a more classic version. The detective version.  Batman is a detective. The first appearance of Batman ever is "Detective Comics #1". This is probably the direction they will take it in. With Affleck's main attribute likely being his mind. I'm sure he'll be very gadget-y, but I definitely don't expect him to be the fighting type like Bale. Affleck could pull this role off nicely when considering that. (If you're worried that he won't be able to pull off any fighting as Batman, anybody can learn choreography if they train for it.) I think the Affleck and Keaton versions are going to be completely different from each other, however, I do think Affleck will channel some Keaton. Michael Keaton was a very realistic Batman, and I expect the same from Ben.

It all comes down to this folks, Batman is going to beat Superman. That's the way this movie is gonna' go. In order to sustain a balance of power between Superman and Batman in the future 'Justice League' movie is to have Batman "win" somehow. Personally, I think they will team up by the end, but if there is a "winner" in this versus movie, then it has to be Batman. Superman is too powerful, he'd easily beat Batman. If he does, it would be stupid; because then Batman is just gonna be Supes little bitch for the rest of the franchise. Not gonna' work. Batman is going to have to stand on his own. He's going to have to use his mind to "beat" Superman, and he's gonna' win. Supes needs to know that he can be defeated, and Bats needs to lay it out that he is not a force to be reckoned with. Affleck will make a good billionaire playboy turned detective vigilante in this new world take on Batman. A fresh new take on a realistic Batman.

Exhibit P:

2007 - 'Smokin Aces' - This wasn't a great movie, but it was fun. Affleck in minor role. Not much to say about it. 

2007 - 'Gone Baby Gone'- Here he decides to direct, this is where things really pick up. Starring Casey Affleck, his brother instead of himself. I guess he needed to learn all the ins and outs of directing before starting to act and direct. This is a PHENOMENAL movie. Seriously. He really proves himself as a director right from the get go.

Exhibit Q:

2009 - 'He's Just Not That Into You' - N/A
2009 - 'State of Play' - N/A
2009 - 'Extract' -N/A

2010 - 'The Town' - Clearly I missed out on my Affleck '09. But these were nothing major as, my man, was too busy directing this critically acclaimed directorial effort during this time. (Exhibit Q &R)

Exhibit R:
"If there is truly a renaissance man in today's cinema, it's Ben Affleck. He has distinguished himself as a premier writer and director, as well as an actor with a broad-ranging and impressive filmography. In his latest work, The Town, Affleck once again puts his acting, writing and directorial skills to work, in a stinging portrait of a New England town and the grip it has on generation after generation, who find it impossible to leave. For his ability to "do it all" and constantly evolve as an artist, The Palm Springs International Film Festival is proud to present Ben Affleck with the 2011 Chairman's Award.'"

And this is fucking awesome. Most realistic car chase scene in any movie.
 Exhibit S:

2011 - 'Company Men' - N/A

2012 - 'To the Wonder'  - N/A - He's doing a few indies with these last two. He's gotta brush up on what it's like to actually act for a director who isn't himself.

2012 - 'Argo' - Argo just happened. It won the Oscar for Best Picture. Affleck directed this, beautifully. Showcasing his directing talents yet again, as well as his acting.  He also won the Golden Globe for best Director, and should have won the Oscar too, though he wasn't even nominated due to the political inner workings of the Academy.

I just want to talk about how skilled of a Director he is and why this will help you understand that this guy has changed, and that he is now a genius. Watch the special features on the 'Argo' Blu Ray. You'll see what I mean. His attention to detail is incredible. This guy is so precise about every single fucking detail that goes into his movies. Do you really think a freak like that is going to be bad? He knows the game. He knows it! He knows what's involved and he's going to use that attention to detail to make his vision of Batman the best possible version he can imagine that is not constrained by reality. He's not gonna' want to ruin his fucking career again people. Stopppp!!! Just think like these people! Think like Ben Affleck! If you were Ben Affleck, and you just got offered the role of Batman in a Cinematic Universe-building film, that is likely to continue well into multiple future films; Do you realllllllllly think he's not going to bust his fucking ass on this shit to shut you fuckers up?

Exhibit T: - Watch this, but, I strongly encourage you to watch the special features on the 'Argo' Blu Ray. There is a feature in which they focus on his attention to detail. I could not find it online though.

2013 - 'Runner, Runner' Ben Affleck AND Justin Timberlake - BOTH of my celebrity man crushes in one movie. Tell me this isn't going to be awesome. Looks like Ben can play the Billionaire Playboy. (Exhibit S) Speaking of being my man crush (Exhibit T)

Exhibit U:

Exhibit V:

2014 - 'Gone Girl' - This could be a pretty great movie, depending on Affleck. This is really his first big acting gig that he's not directing. Let's look at it like his 'test screen' for Batman, it's our first glimpse of his current acting abilities. I don't see why they wouldn't be just as good as his portrayals in his own movies, though.

2015 - 'Live By Night' - His next movie that he is directing and starring in. It's about Boston in prohibition era 1920's. This movie is another Dennis Lehane novel that Affleck is adapting, the first being Gone Baby Gone. I have a feeling this may be postponed now due to Batman, but you never know, he might be able to pull it off.

Which brings us to Batman.

2015 -'Batman Vs. Superman'

Let's take a look at the DC Cinematic Universe, shall we?

Trust in the direction of the film by Zack Snyder, and the production behind it. These guys know what they are doing. They are going to make this a success. No matter what. Do you really think that all of this distaste for Affleck wasn't considered when casting him? Obviously, they want this to be a successful movie, critically and financially.  They are not going to purposely cast the wrong person. They know about the hate this guy gets. They are embracing it, and saying, "Fuck you, we think we picked the right guy for the job."

Look, they fucking failed miserably after 'Green Lantern'. It was so bad they had to reboot the whole DC Universe with 'Man of Steel' because of it. They fucked up the casting with Ryan Reynolds. But if the movie was done right, maybe Reynolds wouldn't have been that bad of a choice. See, this is where the importance of the movie itself heavily influences how well the actor, in this case, Ben, will do in the role. Do you really think they are going to make the same mistake twice? No way.

They have the Marvel Universe to compete with, just as they do in the comic book world. Marvel shits all over DC in movies. They've successfully established a full blown movie universe that is only expanding, growing and getting better.  DC is a newborn, 'Man of Steel' just came out and 'Iron Man' was 2008; they have a lot of catching up to do.

They want this to be the most successful franchise it can be. If they fuck it up this early and commit to a Batman that sucks in a shared universe of multiple films ahead, including the 'Justice League' movie, they won't be able to do it. They know everyone will go see it anyway, granted, but they still don't want poor reviews. It's more about pride than it is about money, which they know they will get anyway.

Exhibit W:
Look at this picture. How many of you could really guess that's Ben Affleck? This is all we will see with the the cowl on, guys.

Welp, there you have it. I have just proven through his entire filmography that Ben Affleck, overall, is awesome, if you can overlook his rock bottom stage. Stop hating on Ben and stop hating in general.

Look at his accolades too. He is a premier Hollywood force, continually on the rise. He will end his career as one of the all time greats, when all is said and done. A period of bombs for a few years certainly doesn't warrant denying that most, if not all, of these other films and roles were great. His insane attention to detail as a director will surely carry over into his role as Batman. This dude will NOT let us down. I promise you. He's a nerd and he'll do it the justice it deserves.

I know regardless of what I just said, some of you are still going to say, "Yea, well, I still think he's gonna suck", and you know what? He may. But at least I'm being optimistic about it. You may disagree with me that he won't be a good Batman, and that is fine. I totally support you, as long as you have substantial reasoning for this. However, you still can't disagree with me that having a positive attitude towards it will likely result in you enjoying the film more. Be optimistic for 2 years instead of wallowing in your own shit.

We can't truly guess at how he's going to do the role. We know noting about it yet. All we know is Batman, and Ben's work. Clearly, I have shown that his work speaks for itself. So, I ask you to please stop with your preconceived notions of Ben Affleck. Put them to bed. What I set before you was not how I perceive him playing Batman, because, I really just don't know what to expect. What I did give you was evidence. Evidence to believe in him. I give you his past work, his life story and why he's not the guy you perceive him to be. Believe in Ben. Believe in the Bat.

Exhibit X: Please listen to these lyrics. Specifically from 2:00 mark. HAHAHAHA

Don't agree? Please share and debate with others, and myself. Just remember play nice in the boards. Be tasteful. And, if you do see my point, try and be optimistic for the next 2 years please. It will make your lives that much better.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Nerd-ology 101: Spoilers

Sup, sup, guyz?! So, like, I totes love that Breaking Bad show. LIKE LITERALLY! - Stop it. - I just, like, can't even handle how good it iz. OK, Blogger peepz. That's all for 2day, TTYL, Luv Yas!"  

Imagine if I blogged like that? 

That's actually kind of funny. Maybe I'll do some kind of "Dumb Internet Girl Movie Review Segment" on here. Throw some Saturday Night Live-style sketch comedy blogging into the mix here at The World Wide Web of Spider-Dan. Let's just get fucking wild, right?!

Also, I would like to apologize for continual site maintenance, name changes and such. Web design is a pain in my ass. I just want to write words and make you see them...

Ok, now that my personal note to you is out of the way. Let's begin class. 

Welcome to The Web of Spider-Dan's first ever,

"Nerd-ology 101"

So, take a shower, fix your glasses and turn off that episode of 'Firefly' you've seen 76 times. It's over. It's not coming back. Move on with your life. (Cut to image of 'Firefly' obsessed kid, sitting in the dark, creepily stroking the hair of a clearly sexually abused Inara doll, saying, in the most Wormtongue-esque voice,  "Never! Browncoats forever!…")

It's 2013 guys. Information moves, and it moves fast. We're a culture of instant gratification. Want the answer to any question? Google it, You have it. Don't know how to tie a tie? You Tube it, You learned it. We're also a culture that needs to broadcast our personalities, our thoughts and our lives, as they are happening, up to the minute. Why? Because, for the first time in the history of our existence on this Earth, we are able to be connected to each other, constantly, no matter where on the planet you may be. Think about that. That's pretty fucking wild. It's no wonder why we are, the way we are. It's that need for an instant conversation, or piece of information; and the internet is the place to find and share it with whoever is looking.

Let's focus on spoilers, though. 

Today, I was presented with an interesting situation. A friend of mine, @itsthemattyd #Shoutout, told me about his dilemma with my blog. He said, "Danny, your blog is terrible. I'm never going to click your stupid links, ever. Stop spamming the shit out of me. I've had enough. Fuck you, and fuck your family." (He did not say any of this to me) However, he did tell me that he has chosen to wait until 'Breaking Bad' finishes it's season so he can binge-watch it all at once. I, as a fan of binge-watching myself, respect this decision - As it is with the way we like our steaks, we all enjoy watching television differently. Although I'm defending your decision, @itsthemattyd , you must know that with it, you need to #TreadLightly (wink at audience) on the web.  

As soon as you finish the latest episode or the newest movie, what is the first thing you do? Head to the web. What are people saying? What am I going to say? What am I feeling? People search the web looking for thoughts and reactions. Trying to find the words to describe their feelings. They come looking for the answer about that scene they were confused about, or try to make sense of their emotions by hearing someone else say it for them. They want to talk, communicate and share their thoughts, ideas, predictions, and many want to be the first one to it. 

The internet is full of instant, next-minute material for viewers to chow down on, like vultures. It's hard to avoid seeing spoilers on the web if you don't view something as it airs, or at the midnight screening. Should these people be denied a place to go, to discuss and express themselves, because you were working late and had to DVR it? No. The internet is a place for everybody, and they are allowed their space to do as they please. However, you also, shouldn't be subjected to it.

That said, today's lesson is on:

Proper Spoiler Etiquette On the Internet and In Real Life

For those of you that don’t know (Really, guys?)  – A spoiler is defined by Urban Dictionary as, “When someone reveals a previously unknown aspect of something which you likely would have rather learned on your own.”

Before I give you some rules, let me tell you what kind of "spoilers" are OK, as it pertains to me and this blog:

  • Discussing casting news and plot details is OK by me. Not specific plot details, but a general synopsis. In order to talk about this stuff, these very "mild spoilers" are necessary. Personally, I wouldn't even call them spoilers, though some would.

Here are some general rules to live by:

  • The first and most important rule is: Be mindful of others.

  • When discussing the latest movie or TV episode with your friends, ask them if they’ve seen it before you begin spewing shit out of your mouth, please. Don’t make your friends hate you.

  • This one is a biggie. When posting statuses on Facebook, or Tweeting, DO NOT SAY FUCKING SPOILERS! You are subjecting every one of your friends/followers to seeing that post on their news feeds, without any warning. This is unavoidable to the innocent bystander who scrolls through their feed out of boredom, when they come across, You, the asshole, posting a status about the big shocking reveal just moments after it airs. You are not the coolest person in the world, SPOILER ALERT, You suck.

But, what is the time line for spoilers though? When can you publicly discuss said spoilers?

This varies from person to person, but, here's my take:

Snape kills Dumbledore, bitches.

Did you not know that? Are you upset with me now? You shouldn't be. Here's why:

  • When it comes to major spoilers, I'd say there is a window of about 2 years before they can be assumed as public knowledge. If you don't see it within that window of time, you obviously didn't care much. It's your own choice, and you are susceptible to any spoilers you may see or hear regarding the source material. It's 2013, 'The Sixth Sense' came out 14 years ago, whether you've seen it or not, it is public knowledge that he's a ghost. Sorry, but that's just the way it works.

This standard timeline rule applies for all movies. Television works a little differently:

  • As far as TV goes, this 2 year window is applied AFTER the SERIES is finished. Don't ever spoil prior seasons before the series, as a whole, is finished. You never know who is going to pick it up from the middle, or after it has finished airing. People should be allowed to do this, without you ruining it for them.

And book people...

  • Never, ever, EVER spoil a book. You never know when/if it will be adapted into film or TV. So just keep it to yourself and the others that have also read. I'm talking to you 'Song of Ice and Fire' readers. We get it. You read the book. You know what's going to happen. Shut up, and let me find out on my own. Our generation just doesn't read anymore. It's a shame, but it's the truth. (I am currently reading 'A Song of Ice and Fire', so I know that not all fans are like this, but, they are out there.)

Let me give you an example of BAD spoiler etiquette, perpetrated by 'The Big Bang Theory'. Last season, in the episode entitled "The Spoiler Alert Segmentation", Sheldon reveals spoilers about 'Harry Potter' and 'The Walking Dead'. The 'Potter' part abides by my societal rules, however, 'The Walking Dead' spoiler was fucked up. If you haven't seen Season 3 of 'The Walking Dead' there is a shocking moment; those of you who have seen it, know what I'm talking about. 'Big Bang' revealed this spoiler, only a couple of months after the episode aired. Before it had even finished airing the second half of the season! This is a no-no 'Big Bang'. If I was choosing to binge-watch, or wait for the Blu-Ray, I would have been pissed.

  • And finally, to the writers/bloggers/informational sources out there:  USE "SPOILER ALERT" when discussing spoilers. Also, give the reader a comfortable amount of space before revealing the spoiler. Don't just say SPOILER ALERT and then say the spoiler, you fucking moron. People will naturally continue reading, or at least see the text they may not want to see.

So, be assured if I am discussing spoilers, I will always notify you with a spoiler alert. I want this site to be accessible to everyone, but I will also cater to those who are current with what I'm current with.

These are my rules, and I will abide by them.

I hope you all enjoyed your first class in "Nerd-ology: 101" For more lessons, stay tuned in to 'The Web'.