August 2013 Television Power Ranking's (Expanded)

***Spoiler Free***

Dear Reader,

Let's get real. What I am about to present you with, is my disease. It is the reason for which I have decided to become the most entertaining and popular blogger the Internet has ever seen. It is my curse, my gift and my ticket to Arkham.

Before I begin, the ranking system is as follows: 

These rankings are in order of my pure enjoyment of the show, within their current season (not as a series overall). 

Please note: I do think some lower ranked shows are better in terms of my understanding of what "should be" ranked as the best. But, I've decided to rank them by my own particular taste, anyway. That way, You, as a reader, can get to understand me and my mind; as we head down this lover's lane of blogging, together.  That said, I do not provide a reasoning for the rank of each show, this is my reasoning. What show do I enjoy watching the most? That's how I put together this list, and let me tell you, it was fucking hard to do.

After posting this, I don't suppose I'll be getting laid for a while. So, a big thanks to all my obsessions, and to my soul-eating need to be heard by the world. Thanks, you're doing great things for my social life.

So here they are @SpiderDan_ny's
August 2013 Television Power Rankings (Expanded)

1. Breaking Bad (Final Season Airing Sunday's on AMC)
2. Game of Thrones (Season 4 Returning 2014 HBO)
3. New Girl (Season 3 Premiering September 17 on FOX)
4. The Walking Dead (Season 4 Premiering October 13 on AMC)
5. Community (Season 5 Returning 2014 on NBC)
6. Mad Men (Final Season 2014 on AMC)
7. Doctor Who (50th Anniversary Special Airing November 23 on BBCAmerica)
8. Dexter (Final Season Airing Sunday's on Showtime)
9. The Newsroom (Season 2 Airing Sunday's on HBO)
10. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Season 9 Premiering September 4 on All New Channel FXX)
11. The League (Season 5 Premiering September 4 on All New Channel FXX)
12. Sherlock (Season 3 Returning 2014 on BBC)
13. South Park (Season 17 Premiering September 25 on ComedyCentral)
14. The Big Bang Theory (Season 7 Premiering September 26 on CBS)
15. Parks and Recreation (Season 6 Premiering September 26 on NBC)
16. House of Lies (Season 4 Returning January 2014)
17. Modern Family (Season 5 Premiering September 25 on ABC)
18. Homeland (Season 3 Premiering September 29 on Showtime)
19. Arrow (Season 2 Premiering October 9 on CW)
20. Sons of Anarchy (Season 6 Premiering September 10 on FX)
21. Arrested Development (Season 5 Returning TBA on Netflix)
22. Once Upon a Time (Season 3 Premiering Septmber 29 on ABC)
23. Boardwalk Empire (Season 4 Premiering September 8 on HBO)
24. Workaholics (Season 4 Returning TBA on Comedy Central
25. How I Met Your Mother (Final Season Premiering September 23 on CBS)
26. Shameless (Season 4 Premiering January 12 on Showtime)
27. The Middle (Season 5 Premiering September 25 on ABC)
28. Family Guy (Season 12 Premiering September 29 on FOX)
29. American Dad (Season 9 Premiering September 29 on FOX)
30. Futurama (Final Season Airing Wednesday's on Comedy Central)
31. Nathan For You (Season 2 Returning TBA on Comedy Central)
32. Sullivan and Son (Season Finale Thursday on TBS - Yes, this show, really.)
33. The Neighbors (Season 2 Premiering September 20 on ABC - Also yes, really.)
34. The Boondocks (Season 4 Returning TBA on AdultSwim)
35. Franklin and Bash (Season 4 Returning 2014 on TNT)
36. Men at Work (Season 3 Returning 2014 on TBS)
37. Bates Motel (Season 2 Returning 2014 on A&E)
38. The Killing (Renewal Status Unknown on AMC)
39. Revolution (Season 2 Premiering September 25 on NBC)
40. Suburgatory (Season 3 Returning TBA on ABC)
41. The Following (Season 2 Returning TBA on FOX)
42. American Horror Story (Season 3 Premiering October 9 on FX)
43. Two and a Half Men (Season 11 Premiering September 26 on CBS)
44. Glee (Season 5 Premiering September 26 on FOX)
45. True Blood (Season 7 Returning 2014 on HBO)
46. Defiance (Season 2 Returning 2014 on SyFy)
47. Wilfred (Season 3 Airing Thursdays on FX)
48. Raising Hope (Season 4 Premiering November 8  on FOX)
49. Da Vinci's Demons (Season 2 Returning 2014 on Starz)
50. Brickleberry (Season 2 Premiering September 5 on Comedy Central)
51. In the Flesh (Season 2 Returning 2014 on BBCAmerica)

Best Show On Television - #1 - Breaking Bad

#1 - 'Breaking Bad' is television's best. What will go down as one of the greatest show's in TV history, deserves the top spot on it's way out. Watch the final season Sunday's at 9:00PM Est. on AMC

Final Season - #8 - Dexter

#8 -  Don't miss the end to one of television's most beloved show's. What's in store for Dexter Morgan, and the rest of Miami Metro, as we head towards the finale? Find out by watching, 'Dexter', The Final Season, airs Sunday's at
9:00PM Est. on Showtime.

Saying Goodbye - #30 - Futurama

 #30 - From beloved years at Fox, to Direct-To-Video feature length's and a move to cable at Comedy Central, 'Futurama' has sure had it's problems. Is this it for Philip J. Fry, and the gang at Planet Express, or has history shown us we haven't heard the last of them? Catch the Final Season Airing Tuesday's at 10:00PM Est. on Comedy Central.

On the Rise - #9 - The Newsroom

#9 On the Rise - With both 'Breaking Bad' and 'Dexter' ending soon, look for 'The Newsroom' to climb. Some of the best writing on television. Season 2 airs Sunday's at 10:00PM Est. on HBO.

Random Highlight - #32 - Sullivan and Son

#32 Random Highlight - It's nice to be refreshed with simplicity, every now and then. Classic, witty, archetypical writing. Relevant to the lives and social hurdles of our time. 2013's version of 'Cheers'. Season 2 finale airs Thursday at 10:00PM on TBS

Too Soon To Rank (Currently Airing First Season - In No Particular Order)

Axe Cop (Saturday's on FOX)

The Bridge (Wednesday's on FX)

Drunk History (Tuesday's on Comedy Central)

Graceland (Thursday's on USA)

High School USA! (Saturday's on FOX)

Low Winter Sun (Sunday's on AMC)

Ray Donovan (Sunday's on Showtime)

Under the Dome (Monday's on CBS)


Future Power Ranking's - Drunk History

Look out for 'Drunk History' in future power rankings. Funny stuff. Tuesday's at 10PM Est. on Comedy Central  

I Deem These Unrankable - Reality, Variety and Cartoon's (Excluding Prime Time Cartoons - In No Particular Order)

America's Got Talent (Season 8 Airing Tuesday's and Results Wednesday's on NBC - Current since Howard Stern Joined)

Avengers Assemble (Season 1 Airing on Disney XD)

Beware the Batman (Season 1 Airing on Cartoon Network)

Deon Cole's Black Box (Renewal Status Unknown on TBS)

Face Off (Season 5 Airing Tuesday's on SyFy)

Hard Knocks (Season 8 With the Cincinnati Bengals Airing Tuesday's on HBO)

The Hero (Renewal Status Unknown on TNT)

Hulk and the Agents of SMASH (Season 1 Airing on DisneyXD)

The Jeselnik Offensive (Season 2 Airing Tuesday's on Comedy Central)

Key and Peele (Season 3 Premiering September 18 on Comedy Central)

King of the Nerds (Season 2 Returning 2014 on TBS)

Kroll Show (Season 2 Returning TBA on Comedy Central)

The Nerdist (Returning TBA on BBCAmerica)

Robot Combat League (Renewal Status Unknown on Syfy)

Saturday Night Live (Season 39 Fall 2013 on NBC - Note: I have NOT seen every aired episode, I'm not that crazy)

Talking Bad (Airing Sunday's on AMC)

The Taste (Season 2 Returning 2014 on ABC)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Season 2 Returning Fall 2013 on Nickelodeon)

Ultimate Spider-Man (Season 2 airing on DisneyXD)

Whodunnit? (Renewal Status Unknown on ABC)
Whose Line Is It Anyway? (Season 1 Airing Tuesday's on CW)

The Writer's Room (Season 1 Monday's on Sundance)


Unrankable Mention - Whodunnit?

'Whodunnit?' aired it's Season 1 Finale this past Sunday, and much like this show in general, it was quite a let down. It's fate is still up in the air. Will it get renewed? The numbers say maybe, but I say, "No."

We Remember - Lost 

We Remember - Don't forget kids, 'Lost' is still the greatest show of all time.

There you have it.

That comes to a total of 80* shows. 'The Goodwin Games' was cancelled since my last count. Never heard of it? That's why it was cancelled. Yet, I watched every episode. Jesus, help me.

*(Edit: I forgot to add in 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', and I realized that due to a board post conversation. The number is actually 81. Like I should be oh so proud of that...)

 I don't expect we will agree on everything, as we all have different tastes. So share those different tastes. Let's just be grateful we have so much good television to choose from! 

Sound off in the Comments, or on Facebook and Twitter and tell me what your top shows are. Feel free to disagree and debate with one another, and myself. Remember to be respectful. If you're going to call someone a "fucking idiot" by all means go ahead, but try and do so in a tasteful manner. 

Stay tuned in.

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Breaking Bad "Buried" Live Twitter Feed Review

Faithful readers, 

Let me start off by saying, Thank you for continuing to keep up with this, and for all of the support I have gotten, so far. It has been very encouraging, and you guys are awesome.

What I present you with is something a tad bit untraditional. I am not going to review this episode by analyzing it and discussing plot, character development and such, as any good review should do. Today, I present you with my review of, 'Breaking Bad''s latest episode "Buried", in the form of my own live Twitter feed,  as the episode airs.

*********WARNING! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!************

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS EPISODE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER

*********WARNING! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!************

@SpiderDan_ny 

#BreakingBad time. Here we go. 3, 2, 1…..

@SpiderDan_ny 

Can you imagine finding stacks of money like that? #OnlyInAlbuquerque

@SpiderDan_ny 

Jesse on the merry-go-round, hashtag awesome. 

@SpiderDan_ny  

#BreakingBad music gets me so pumped, every time.

@SpiderDan_ny  

I should've DVRed this. #Can'tDoCommercials

@SpiderDan_ny  

Glad they picked up right after the Walt/Hank confrontation last week. #GarageDoor

@SpiderDan_ny  

Is Skyler going to die? @BrianCharlesLus thinks so. 

@SpiderDan_ny  

That hug between Hank and Skyler says so much.

@SpiderDan_ny  

#He'sAMonster

@SpiderDan_ny  

"I'll have him in lock up before the sun goes down." - Hank, So fucking determined to bring down Heisenberg.

@SpiderDan_ny  

"What you want, is to get Walt, at all costs" Skyler's not gonna give him up?

@SpiderDan_ny  

"Put that animal away" - Hank

@SpiderDan_ny  

#AmIUnderArrest

@SpiderDan_ny  

Can't wait for that beard, that's a solid beard. #Walt'sFutureBeard

@SpiderDan_ny  

Look at that amount of money….just….I don't know what to say… 

@SpiderDan_ny  

 RT"@HenchmanNumber1 Jesus, Mary and Joesph" Now I know what to say. Thanks @HenchmanNumber1! 

@SpiderDan_ny  

 I would do this same thing. #MoneyAngels

@SpiderDan_ny  

"Channelling Scrooge McDuck" - This. This, fucking, this. #DuckTales

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@HenchmanNumber2 @HenchmanNumber1 Mexico, all's I'm sayin."

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@HenchmanNumber1 @HenchmanNumber2 Guy hit 10 guys in jail within a 2 minute window, all's I'm sayin."

@SpiderDan_ny  

@BetterCallSaul Dude, this sucks for you. #HankKnows

@SpiderDan_ny  

Mike in Belize  :(

@SpiderDan_ny  

God, I miss Mike so much. Rest easy, Ehrmantraut, rest easy.

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@Heisenberg @BetterCallSaul I'll send you to Belize" 

@SpiderDan_ny

RT "@BetterCallSaul Somehow, I survive this show." #SpinOff

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@TwitterUser 'Took a trip to Belize', is the new 'Sleeps with the fishes.' @TalkingBad" I love it, however, irreplaceable. 

@SpiderDan_ny  

Walt really doesn't want to kill Hank because Hank is family? #ConflictingPrinciples

@SpiderDan_ny  

This dude is so greedy. He needs to check the barrels of money?

@SpiderDan_ny  

How does one count hundreds of millions of dollars by looking at it? #WaltIsBatshit

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@HankSchrader @MarieSchrader Hi honey, Walt is Heisenberg." 

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@MarieSchrader @HankSchrader SHUT UP!? WHAT?! If Skyler knew, I'm gonna be pissed."

@SpiderDan_ny  

What? She fucking punched her? I get why she's mad but….

@SpiderDan_ny  

@MarieSchrader Um, you can't steal a fucking child. You crazy bitch.

@SpiderDan_ny  

I don't get why Marie expected Skyler to tell her something like that. 

@SpiderDan_ny 

I mean, I fucking hate Skyler, but come on, you're being a little unreasonable here, Betsy Brandt.

@SpiderDan_ny  

Oh, Walt's in the desert again. What a surprise.

@SpiderDan_ny  

I love #BreakingBad montages.

@SpiderDan_ny  

"And with every shot you show a little improvement/To show it all would take to long/That's called a montage" #TeamAmerica

@SpiderDan_ny  

34 59 20 106 36 52  - You got nothing on 4 8 15 16 23 42 #LOST

@SpiderDan_ny  

That is one magnificent bald head. Lex Luthor, Lex Luthor, Lex Luthor!! #CranstonForLuthor

@SpiderDan_ny  

Allusion to series premiere? #TightyWhities #Desert #CancerBack #Skyler'sTakingCareOfWalt 

@SpiderDan_ny  

Does Skyler love the monster?

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@TalkingBad Skysenberg!" 

@SpiderDan_ny  

This is the reason Walt did everything. Money for his family, that's all it ever was supposed to be. #StillHeisenberg #StillRuthless

@SpiderDan_ny  

Skyler definitely still loves Walt. That's nice, Sky. #TedBeneke

@SpiderDan_ny  

Are they trying to redeem Walt now? I'm actually feeling sympathy for him, and this is one evil fuck.

@SpiderDan_ny  
RT "@michaelianblack Starting to fear Dippin' Dots might not actually be the ice cream of the future."

@SpiderDan_ny  

Dippin' Dots hahaha. Wait, what's going on? There's a firefight? - That's what you get for Twittering while watching. #GenerationADD

@SpiderDan_ny  

Hey @ToddAlquist, Fuck you!

@SpiderDan_ny  

RT "@FederalAgent @JessePinkman Why were you tossing millions of dollars all over Albuquerque?" Cause Jesse is a fucking baller. That's why.

@SpiderDan_ny  

#ZombieJesse

@SpiderDan_ny  

Safe to assume Hank/Jesse team up for next week?

@SpiderDan_ny  

This needs to be Jesse's story of redemption. Not Walt's.

@SpiderDan_ny  

I don't want to watch #'LowWinterSun to see next week's scenes. I will though, sadly.

*Disclaimer: This is a fictional Twitter Feed. Sans the Michael Ian Black Tweet, that was real. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. Let me know your thoughts. More like this? Or do you want analytical reviews? Tell me. I'm open to suggestions.

This show is incredible and this final season is easily the best television on right now. Another great installment.  Six more to go.

My Score: 9.5/10

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Kick-Ass 2: The Review

Hello faithful readers, it's your friendly neighborhood @SpiderDan_ny here. I just got back from seeing 'Kick-Ass 2', and it was hands down the best movie of the summer, and all of 2013, so far.

Let me preface this review with the following statement:
"If you did not like 'Kick-Ass', you will not agree with me on this. Tonally, it is the same as the first."

That being said, if you did like 'Kick-Ass', 'Kick-Ass 2' is fucking awesome.

I'm going to do this review without spoilers, but as it is hard to do with any review, elements of the movie will be given away. So, mild spoilers ahead. When this comes out on blu-ray expect a spoilerific post on everything. For now, let me just tell you how much I enjoyed this movie.

'Kick-Ass 2', based on the comic, by the brilliant and genius, Mark Millar (Kick-Ass, Wanted), had everything going for it. The action sequences and fight scenes were incredible. Funny, gory and beautifully choreographed. They were just insane. So much fun to watch. Obviously, Hit-Girl steals the show as her action scenes were, just, out of control; Even though she spends a good amount of the movie channelling Lindsay Lohan in 'Mean Girls'. But for real, Chloe Grace Moretz ('Kick-Ass', 'Let Me In', and the upcoming 'Carrie') is the real deal. She is one talented actress, and she has a long successful career ahead of her. She is only 16. 16!

This girl needs to be in 'Star Wars: Episode 7'. Whether it be Jaina Solo, or another take on the Solo girl, this girl needs to play her. MAKE THIS HAPPEN HOLLYWOOD! She's got it all. Top-notch acting chops. In 'Kick-Ass' her fighting skills were insane at age 13, and she is even more skilled with age. Imagine this girl with a lightsaber?! She's the perfect casting. You can quote me on this, if she is cast as Jaina Solo, that character will be ranked as the #1 most bad ass chick in film history.  More so than Sarah Connor, Ripley, Trinity, The Bride and Hit-Girl, of course. Mark my words.

Now that I got my Chloe Grace Moretz obsession off my chest, (16 gets you 30, Fellas) let's talk a little about the rest of the cast. Donald Faison is in this movie (Turk from 'Scrubs') and he's funny as shit as Gravity Man. A great addition to the Kick-Ass world, and he nails it. Jim Carrey ('Dumb & Dumber', 'Ace Ventura', 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', the list goes on...) also lends his A-List name to the cast, but, that's merely all it is. His role, although great, is minimal. However, I do think this was the best direction for the movie. As much as I love Jim Carrey, I want to see Hit-Girl, Kick-Ass and The Motherfucker as much as possible.

Speaking of The Motherfucker. Christopher Mintz-Plasse ('Superbad', 'Role Models', 'Kick-Ass') owns this part. I was not sure if I was going to like the whole 'Motherfucker' villain from the previews, but I loved it. He channeled the perfect amount of 'McLovin' to make the villain as funny and likable as he was evil and ruthless.

As for the rest of the cast, everyone was great. From the whole 'Justice Forever' team; the team of superheroes started by Carrey's Colonel Stars and Stripes which includes: Himself, Kick-Ass, played by a British actor Aaron Johnson ('Kick-Ass', 'Nowhere Boy' and possibly Quicksilver in Avengers 2?! Let's hope...) Gravity Man, Insect Man, Night-Bitch, Remembering Tommy and Clark Duke's ('The Office', 'Hot Tub Time Machine') humorous Battle Guy. To the 'League of Doom' inspired, 'Toxic Mega Cunts,' including: The Motherfucker, Mother Russia, Black Death, Genghis Carnage and The Tumor. All very self-aware, racially stereotypical names, that the film pokes fun at. It's meta. It doesn't break the 4th wall, but it does wink at it. And it's something the film does throughout the entirety of the movie.

It's gory, it's funny and it makes violence fun again. Let me say what I mean by that before you get all up in arms. Violence in movies has gotten so real that it mimics the world we live in right now. It reminds you of the sadistic and evil stories we see and hear on the news constantly. Violence in movies was meant to entertain, not to make you feel it. 'Kick-Ass 2' takes violence and puts humor to it, it puts wit to it. It's meant for you to see it and go, "OHHHHH SHITTTT! That shit was crazy!!!" It removes any thought of "I can't believe this young girl is slaughtering people by the dozens. This disgusts me." The reason I bring this up is because Jim Carrey publicly denounced the violence in the film a few months ago. Don't get me wrong, it is pretty violent. There are some extreme and unique death scenes. But, as I said, the way they are portrayed is in good taste, as graphic as they may be. And they are graphic. This movie is graphic. Really graphic.


The other thing I want to say about this before I web out. (See what I did there? That has a double meaning. George Takei would get it....)

As I was saying, before I web out, I just want to mention how phenomenal the writing in this film is. The dialogue is perfectly tailored to each of the characters. It is clever, raunchy and down right filthy. Hit-Girl says some shit. But it works. It never comes off as too much, or offensive. The way they crafted this movie was brilliant. They are so self-aware of their use of language. They even poke fun at it, throughout the movie, with Hit-Girl's overstuffed swear jar, and Colonel Star's and Stripe's no foul language, or taking the lord's name in vain policy.

As for this being the best movie of the summer, you can't compare 'Man of Steel' and 'Kick-Ass 2', you can't. Or even 'Iron Man 3' for that matter. They were the frontrunners for best movie of the summer for me up until now. But they are so different. I am not saying that 'Kick-Ass 2' is a better film than 'Man of Steel' (which was excellently done and is really more of a drama than it is a super-hero film) but I enjoyed 'Kick-Ass 2' more, and that's what matters. What movie would I want to keep coming back to for repeat viewings? That's how I look at it. Yes, I think 'Man of Steel' was probably a better movie altogether for awards and production and shit like that. But, I value the attachment to the movie more. 'Kick-Ass 2' will have me coming back for more, just like the first 'Kick-Ass'.

To end this quick and snappy. 'Kick-Ass 2' is a truly fun movie. You will not be bored. Highly entertaining from start to finish. Hilarious and graphic violence. Self-aware and filthy language. Great cast, brilliant writing and most importantly, Hit-Girl. As of right now, 'Kick-Ass 2' is my favorite movie of the summer and of 2013, so far.


My Recommendation: Must-see if you liked the first one. Give it another shot if you didn't.

My Score:  9.5/10 


Note: There is a post-credits scene, for those of you that want to know if you should stick around or not.



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My Television: Act 1

Television. I bet you don't notice how much it truly dominates our lives. Unless you are living in the wilderness like a Daniel Boone, a Davy Crockett or a Walt Whitman...Good ol' W.W. The most ruthless fucking man to have ever ridden across the great Arizona desert in a Pontiac Aztec.... Sorry. - Tangent. - I'll save the 'Breaking Bad' for another post. Now, back to the topic of today, Television. I want you to take notice of what I'm about to say here, after you READ THIS. We are a culture that thrives on television. We need it. Always. Constantly. It gets us through the day, It gets us through the night, It gets us through our boring and mundane existence (This part does not apply to you if you think your life is - "Fantastic!" - So congrats to you, You did it.) Now I may be exaggerating a bit for the sake of INCREDIBLE WRITING, but let me give you some examples of how this...television thing....really does impact our own lives, our social lives and the world in general. (There were no subliminal messages in this paragraph.)

I just realized I wrote that as if it were an introduction for a paper. I seriously started writing this like an essay. I sat down, I started typing and I wrote this like a college essay. - I started writing a blog in essay form. - Way to go, college, way to make me super uninteresting....

If you're gonna follow my blog here, let's start a relationship together as blogger and blogee. Think of me as a person you are having a conversation with who you're not allowed to talk to.

- Shit. -

 I just realized how hard it's going to be to imply sarcasm whilst typing. Half of everything I say is fucking sarcasm. While I'm at it, I'm sorry for saying fuck. If you are offended by cursing, you probably shouldn't read this blog. If you are a relative reading this blog....

 ::Shrug::

This is straight up train of thought. I'm having a completely one-sided conversation with you. THIS IS SOME META ASS SHIT, GUYS! Abed Nadir would get it…

I look at it this way, if you don't like this than that's cool, it's not for you and I get that. I respect that, I respect you and your opinion and thank you for at least checking this out. If you like it, than shit. I hope I can keep you interested in what I have to say all the time. This will be the kind of blog where I will encourage dialogue. Interact with me. Tweet me. Facebook me. AOL Instant Message me….That was a joke. - Ain't nobody use AOL instant messenger anymore. What is this? The year 2000?! Aim I right guys?? AIM I right???…....

::Crickets::

OK.

Back to the real topic. How TV affects our lives.

How much TV do you watch a day? Do you really know? Even if you think you don't watch that much TV and it's whatever to you. Do you realize how much it is in your life, anyway? 

If you're like me, then you're sick and you need help. Stop watching so much TV.  It's bad for you and you need to get a life. Right now. Go! Do it! Leave this page now and go learn how to fly a plane or some shit.

The need to keep current with all your favorite shows is a thing I think every one deals with, some are just more obsessive about it than others, like myself. At my last count I am currently current with 81 shows that are not cancelled as of today, August 16, 2013. Yes, it's disgusting and I hate myself. Henceforth(!) this blog. The thing is you start the necessary shows to be socially adept and then you keep adding more and more…and more until you've buried yourself into a never-ending pit of countless episodes that you will never be able to watch no matter how fucking hard you try. - If this is your life. Than I feel for you. I'm with you. We'll get there, buddy. We'll get there.…

I know there are just as many of you crazy fucks out there too, I just have to attract you to my fucking Twitter and Blog somehow. Marketing this shit. That's gonna' suck too. Fuck. Fuck this fucking blog, already. 

Ok, I'm good now. So yea. If you're not a freak like me, your life is still greatly impacted by television, anyway. Take girls for example. I'd say the average girl has at least 25-40 shows that they keep current with throughout the year. That's a good amount of shows that you go home to watch or DVR or whatever it is you do. It's your appointment television. You know, your: American Idol, SYTYCD, XFactor, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Revenge, MTV shows, True Blood!, fucking Law & Order SVU and Criminal Minds….UMM, Every single show on ABC family, GREYS!!!!! YESSSS!!!!! That's you ladies. That's what you watch, ALL OF YOU! So, yea, you're addicted to television too, don't act like you're not.

[Aside] - I'm picturing hot ass girls reading this, in my head, and saying in a valley girl type voice all like, "Oh my God, I don't watch any TV, I work and go to school and take care of my body. And I eat all vegan because, like, kale is great for you and I hate anything with toxins, like, I will neverrrrr eattttt some poor little animal baby."

But in reality, that is definitely not the type who is reading this, if they even exist.

(They exist.)

Regardless, I do not watch any of these shows. So, I'm sorry women, no reviews on the latest shocking episode in which a crime is committed… and then…..that crime is solved. I know that is only in reference to the police procedural shows, but as you will learn, I fucking HATE police procedurals and most procedurals in general. If that's something we disagree on, don't worry, stick with me. I watch everything else you watch other than the above mentioned shows, and most reality shows. I didn't' mention Glee, 'cause, fuck you, I like Glee... 

....The music is really good sometimes....

The story is AWFUL though. Ok no more talk of Glee. Ever.

Anyway, I'm sorry for attacking you like that girls. That wasn't right of me. Your shows are just as important as everybody else's. They're just bad.

 Sorry! PLEASE KEEP READING. I'm desperate.

My point is, the average girl watches at least 20, quote, unquote, girl shows and probably another 10-15 shows that both guys and girls watch. That's a lot of TV, ladies.

And guys. Even if you're only current with the important shows you need to be current with so you can participate in conversations when you are anywhere, ever…TV still dominates your life.. Sports. You watch just as much sports as I do shows and sports. And I watch a lot of sports too. You guys have the addiction too. We all have it. And men, think about the televisions that we buy. Whoever has the biggest TV now has the biggest dick. That's the way it goes down in 2013, boys!

Experiment - Next time you're talking to your best friend, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, a coworker. I want you to start a conversation about something really important and then take that conversation into a room with a television turned on. I bet you that no matter how involved in that conversation you are, you BOTH are going to continue having that conversation while full on watching the TV, or at the very least keep glancing at it. Your eyes are automatically drawn to whatever is on. No matter what you are doing, if the TV is on, you will inevitably watch it while you're doing whatever it is you're doing. Try it. Try it with anything. It's science.*

But seriously, that is just an example of how it controls you without you even being aware that it does. Just like most people are not aware of how many shows they actually keep up with. Not only are you just physically drawn to a TV, you are socially addicted to it as well. Think about when you are at a bar. You're chilling with your friends and you're bullshitting about whatever, you know, you're shooting the shit, as they say. At some point television will come up. Without classifying sports as TV for this example, because, if guys are talking to each other it's about sports like 90% of the time. The other 10% being comprised of complaining about being single or complaining about your girlfriend. And creeping on girls. Actually, creeping on girls might be just as much as sports. I'm guilty of it and I'm not ashamed of it. MEN! - Sorry ladies, I don't know why I'm being so chauvinistic, I'll stop now. This blog is for all genders. LOVE ME!

[Post Note: After reading this when I was done writing, I realized I went on such a tangent here that I never finished the point I was trying to make in this paragraph. I'm going to leave it this way, 'cause I think that's funny.]

God, I hope my jokes and sarcasm are coming off as jokes and sarcasm, or this is going to be the worst fucking thing ever. 

Honestly, I really wish there was a proper way to write sarcasm. Like when you're in middle school and your Reading and Writing teacher is like "OK, Children! Let's learn how to write the following sentence in Proper Sarcasm…. "I totally enjoy this blog. It's so great!"

I'm tired of writing and this blog has gone on for far too long. If you're still reading, Awesome, that's pretty cool of you. This first blog was basically me just introducing myself to you, my reader. My future posts will not be as self-obsessed. They will be on topic and content heavy, unlike this. And like I said, interact with me. My twitter will basically be a micro-blog of this. So keep up with it, and I'll try my best to keep you guys entertained throughout the day and keep you up to date with some cool news, funny videos and thoughts on most of the shows and movies you watch.  I have a real life job though, and I'm extremely busy while I'm there. So minimal posts before 6PM, cause I need my job to, you know, live...

Welp, I hope you enjoyed it. I know I probably didn't accomplish any of what I said I was going to talk about.
 [Post Note: This is true]

I'm not sure what my next blog will be about. I guess we'll see what I want to talk about the next time I sit down to write. But do expect most entries to be episode and movie reviews. I'll try and do a blog, like this, every week or so though.

Also, sorry for the sub-par design quality - I'll work on that.

Also, I lied. I proof read this shit.


[Post Note: After hearing some feminine reactions to this, I apologize. My intention was not to stereotype you or categorize all of you together, I was merely trying to be humorous at the large percentage of women that make those shows the successes that they are...Hey, maybe that's what I'll write about next time...So again, I am sorry ladies, this post was meant to come off completely humorous and not at all sexist or offensive.]

*It's not science.

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